Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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