This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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