He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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