If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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