I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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