so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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