I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize