Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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