We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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