I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
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White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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