I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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