Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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