I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize