she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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