mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i need some magic done to my vagina
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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