3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize