yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
