Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize