I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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