PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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