i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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