I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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