i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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