ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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