I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize