I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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