Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize