I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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