New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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