Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize