There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize