Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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