So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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