someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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