i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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