If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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