i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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