you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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