don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
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It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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