i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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