Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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