y did u give ur computer a hand job?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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