She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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