I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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