When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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