Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
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Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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