A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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