please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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