Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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