I just made out with a guy for $7.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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